Faith. Women. Empowerment.

Ever since I can remember, I have struggled with the idea of “finding my purpose.”
I’ve not questioned who I am as a person, I’m a compassionate, kind and genuine person. I’m a faithful and loving wife, I’m a momma to one, soon to be two little ones. I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I’m not confused with who I am, who I believe in or what I’m passionate about in life.
However, in the aspect of what I want to do for a living…y’all, I have no idea.

When I began my college journey I tried a semester of Business, hated it. I switched to graphic design my second semester, I followed through with that until I transferred from my community College to a nearby university.
Exactly 2 months before I was suppose to leave for college, my sister and best friend went to heaven, that shook my world and suddenly I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just new my passion to help people was on new level.
I began my semester at that university in Psychology/Neuroscience, then I thought, I would love to be a nurse.
So, for the next 4 years I would spend all of my time working full time and applying and trying to get INTO a nursing program, I can tell you one thing, it is no easy feat.
It wasn’t until I began working at a hospital as a phlebotomist that I realized I did NOT want to be a nurse either, I couldn’t handle trauma and I wouldn’t last a day in those ER clinicals.

So, there I was, 28 years old and realizing I had no “plan”. That is how I lived my life up until then, on a plan. A plan I designed, of how I thought it was suppose to go, where I was suppose to be, the number of digits I was suppose to make annually.
So, What did I do next?
I joined the military…Active Duty, United States Air Force. Now here I am, 31 years old, 3.5 years in the military. It has been a wonderful road, I have learned and grown more than I thought possible…and yet—still searching for “my purpose”.

I say all of this knowing that I am not the only one out there who has ever felt lost. I use to ( and still do) ENVY those who knew exactly what they wanted to do in life. They followed a direct path and now make a living in the exact career path they chose.
All I know is, I was not hardwired that way.

I want to buy an RV, load up my family and trade things for minimalist and stationary for adventure.
I want to open a coffee truck and eventually a shop, rooting myself into a community where I can give back and build relationships. I want to get my baking off the ground and maybe sell cakes/cupcakes on the side, I want to renovate homes and start a business out of making someone’s “heck no” into “our home, I’m learning and dabbling with DSLR photography, I crave learning Spanish and sign language….and one day, I hope to publish a children’s book ( or five!)
Now what kind of a degree encompasses all of those?

Well the truth is, there isn’t one, and trust me when I say, I’ve done my research, that’s a whole lot of eggs in one gigantic basket.

So why am I so bothered by this? Why is it “not okay” for me to want to pursue so many avenues? For years I’ve felt the pressure of society and whispers telling me I had to have a plan.
And I’m COMPLETELY and UTTERLY, over it.

Being brave doesn’t require a plan and as transparent as I just was, clearly I don’t have one.
And that is okay.

It is okay because I’m choosing to step into the arena and forget what “I should have, should be doing, should be considering.”
I’m going to be brave and put my hands into all of the pots of clay. I don’t know what will come of any of it, but I HAVE to try. If not, I will wake up one day and realize I did it all for a paycheck and have nothing but long days that lack inspiration to show for it.

This choice is not easy, it did not come whimsically as I decided what my life “should” look like. It is rough to admit you have no clue.
It is not adventurous and fun to be on a path you’re unsure of. It is HARD to walk down that uncharted path..but I’m certain that if I do not, I will never come to the realization of my purpose.

So here’s to breaking social norm, to living life in the arena. To praying on my knees and being brave, because damn, it’s so much easier said than done.
I’m Bobbysue, a wanderer, inspired by a million things and piecing together what that looks like for me.
And that is OKAY. So, whoever you are, I’m here to wish you well on your wandering soul and to finding the passion in your work. Be consistent. Wake up each day and know with certainty that you do fit into this life and your season is beautiful, even if you don’t have a clear and direct path.
To all of my creatives, I stand with you in your bravery, keep searching! Because I think in all of my years so far, that is what I have learned… maybe living everyday in gratitude for the moment gives us the courage to be brave for tomorrow. Finding purpose in the small things and realizing what grounds us and makes us reach for more CAN be enough!
Here’s to living our lives knowing that we are already loved and already chosen for more than we could even imagine. 🧡🌱